see as i saw

A great thing about being available during the daytime hours throughout the week is grocery shopping.  Have you ever seen Trader Joe's on a Sunday or directly after work hours?  I think I'd rather go to bed hungry than try to navigate that mess.  This morning my cupboard and refrigerator shelves announced that grocery shopping was imminent, but unfortunately so was the rain.  To make life easier, I took advantage of the Trader Joe's parking garage for the first time.  In the elevator lobby, they kindly reminded me that I was located on the "Orange Chicken" level.

I need the temperatures to rise and the rainy, gray skies to move out; this blog could use more interesting content than groceries and parking garages.  Being sequestered indoors isn't working for me.

Another day on the set of Hoarders.  A little less sifting and lot more sprucing.  We weren't privy to the reveal and the family's reactions, so I find myself impatient for the episode to air.  Unfortunately, there's no real estimate of when that will be.  Maybe a month...or two...or three.  At the end of two days, my eyelids are struggling to stay awake while I type this.  That's my excuse for the premature truncation of my typical daily blathering.  I also think I'm going to let the alarm clock rest tomorrow morning; two pre-6:00am wake up calls this weekend should earn me a reprieve.

What I really want to post a photo of isn't pretty - or allowed.  I spent a day assisting on the set of Hoarders and was informed that sharing details about the show before it airs is not copasetic.  So, let me say this: it's surreal to see something like this in person, not to mention working through it.  There are moments in time where it looks like a losing battle, you want to take off your gloves and head for the car.  Then you remember how the people who live there must feel, and you dig in and help them get their life back in shape.  As tired and sore as I am after a day, I'm going back for another.  In a different type of way than I've experienced before, I feel like I'm helping to make a difference in someone's life.  Regardless of the TV cameras involved, I have a lot of respect for the other people who are out there making this happen for this family and many others.

So, I hope you'll forgive me if my photo isn't fresh off the lens today.  It's only a few days old though, I swear.

After 118 posts, it's difficult to remember what titles I've already use.  The good news is that if I can't really remember, then I doubt you can.  So, I guess we're good to go.

This is a story about cocoa powder.  Once upon a time, we'll call it two years ago, I bought a container of cocoa powder for one specific use.  After one tablespoon, it was relegated to the back of my cupboard.  We have since reconnected, many times.  All it took to bring us together was my lack of a job, which drove me to find time for and interest in making food.  Since mid-February, we have collaborated to make not one, but four, tasty concoctions: chocolate mousse, hot chocolate, chocolate syrup and chocolate pudding.

All of those years I fought my Mom over how much I hated being in the kitchen, who would've thought I'd change my tune so drastically.  I actually enjoy playing around in this miniature space my apartment passes off as a kitchen.  Just think how I'd feel if I actually had counter space and small appliances that were created after 1995, not that I'm hating on my free hand-me-downs.

American Airlines thought it would be a good idea to engage in a cruel, yet well-played, taunt.  They sent me a pseudo-direct mail piece for the AAdvantage loyalty program, I say "psuedo" because I am a member, extolling the glory of a trip to Peru.  As if I didn't already have notions of jetting off to Peru, that didn't help.  They took it one step further by reminding me of my current reward miles total, which happens to only be shy 2,500 from collecting on a domestic, round-trip flight...and 7,500 from a Central (and some of South) American flight.  In this situation, it becomes logical to consider taking an international trip so that you can earn enough miles for ANOTHER international trip.  One small, teeny tiny issue - I am not currently generating income.  So, I sighed, threw the papers in the recycling pile, and came to vent about it to you fine people via my keyboard.

But if you happen to know any tricks of the trade for accruing AAdvantage miles without actually paying for expensive cross-country or international flights, I'm all ears.  You better believe that I will be spending some of my "work day" tomorrow Googling that.

 I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a Cubs fan, nor am I a Cardinals fan.  I am, however, a sports fan.  Perhaps more importantly, I am a fan of situations that present me with an all-you-can-eat opportunity.  That is where a Cubs rooftop comes in handy.  It is obvious to me now, after experiencing my fourth rooftop establishment, that they are not all created equal.  Despite the cold rain precluding the game, we got in a whole nine innings.  Some highlights of the game included a pulled pork BBQ sandwich, Bavarian soft pretzel bites, a Chicago-style hot dog, chocolate chocolate chip cookies and Rice Krispies treats.  Oh, David Freese had a nice homerun in the sixth inning, too.

In March I decided to allow myself one entertainment splurge per month during my unemployment (it helps fend off complete submission to stir craziness).  I would say that this gluttonous indulgence in sport and food was well chosen for April's splurge.

Completely unrelated to baseball, House Hunters International completely blew my mind today.  There's a good chance that I've seen nearly every episode, but today was the first time I ever witnessed a house hunt in Colombia.  This couple purchased a six bedroom "fixer upper" with crazy mountain views in the clouds...for a grand total of $30,000.  That's equivalent to an entry level annual salary for many American professions, but it's a six bedroom house in Colombia.  I should mention that this episode was in stark contrast to the prior hunt in the heart of Paris.  Her two bedroom "fixer upper" went for a cool $1.3 million.  Insanity.  Vacation home in Colombia?

Although I have made my way as far south as the river, I haven't actually crossed into the Loop since my last day of work in January.  Until today.  It was strange and familiar at the same time.  After lunching with my lovely ladies, I had a pressing urge to do my daily walking in new environs.  Well, "new" inasmuch as I haven't walked there every day for the past two months.


It ended up in a small-scale, Forrest Gump-like endeavor.  The sunshine and moderate temperatures beckoned me to wander over to Millenium Park.  I love to sit in the middle of natural surroundings with the city as a backdrop; there's something about the juxtaposition that's beautiful to me.  Instead of catching the bus home when I reached the north end of the park, I figured I'd walk up Michigan Avenue until a bus caught me.  Then I let that bus pass, figuring I'd wait for one at the top of the Magnificent Mile.  But when I got to that point, I figured that I had already walked at least 2.5 miles...what was another two miles?  So I trekked home in my Pumas, taking photos and soaking up the sun.  I couldn't decide on just one photo today, so I narrowed it down to four.

An addendum to yesterday's post: I found a second use for my homemade chocolate syrup.  Coffee.  I haven't been to Starbucks in over a month, thanks to my new AeroPress coffee habit.  Now, there's no need to long for my $3.50 mocha.  I am suitably pleased with my Trader Joe's Costa Rican Tarrazu and homemade chocolate syrup.  I haven't done any test drives on iced coffee at home yet; we'll have to wait and see on that front.

I got a little stir crazy late this afternoon, but didn't feel like wandering too far from home.  That's when the zoo and it's lack of an admission fee come in handy.  The display of actual animals was rather meager, thanks to temperatures barely tipping 50 degrees, but I still found plenty of interesting focal points.  This photo is an attempt to marry the subjects of animals and inanimate objects.  The camel chewing on the fence was a really close contender for the coveted April 23rd slot though.

I found myself saying, "It has been a long time since..." many times this weekend.  To complete the phrase:

...I was out until 4:00am.
...I went out two nights in a row.
...I was at a bonfire.

Since there was no way that I was taking a shower when I got home at 4:30am, I woke up smelling the smoke in my hair and feeling its residual effects in my throat.  Oddly, though, it brought me back to adolescence, when nearly everyone's house had a fire pit and bonfires were regular occurrences in the summer and fall.  It's the small things that I sometimes miss about living in a more rural land.

I think a nap is going to be on today's agenda.  The kids across the alley don't seem to understand that I went to bed at 4:30am, so they were outside playing (loudly) by 9:00am.

Taunted, tempted, but unbroken.  The thought of what was lurking beyond that spring window display was beckoning with all of its might.  Buttercreamy, cupcakey goodness.  I both thanked and cursed unemployment in that moment.  It prevented me from spending too much money on a baked good that's anything but good for me...but it prevented me from luxuriating in the badness of that goodness.

No cupcakes, just fond memories of cupcakes past and hope for cupcakes future.  I'll be back Sweet Mandy B's.

I'm a rather infrequent consumer of pop (yes, it's called pop) these days, but for some reason I was craving a sugar-filled, carbonated experience today.  Based on where my taste buds led me, Sunkist orange, I was craving childhood innocence.  What I kept pondering is how the smallest Gulp available was still way more beverage than I needed, yet there are people who can make short work of a cup with five times the volume.

In other news about things that make an unemployed person's day amusing, I finally found a place in my budget to fit in a haircut.  You'd think that I would have figured out by now that you consider the amount you'd like cut off, add two inches, then tell the stylist where to cut.  Without fail, my hair seems to always end up shorter than I requested.  At the end of the day, though, two inches isn't exactly the end of the world.  I'll probably have those two inches back by the end of June.  And then there's my knack for delaying haircuts for months...and months.  It's actually probably better when I lose a couple extra inches.

If you're keeping tally, this is actually the second time that my blog photo has featured a fire hydrant (the first time being in January).  The reason I mention this is that I've found it to be one of those photo subjects that draw confused looks from passersby.  If you stop to photograph flowers or buildings, they tend to think nothing of it.  When you stop, do an about face, then squat down to capture a dandelion and a fire hydrant with your smart phone...peoples' foreheads scrunch up in confusion.  The glorious thing is that I'm getting better at not caring.  And, quite frankly, even if I'm wandering around my own neighborhood the odds are pretty high that I'll never see those people again.

All in all, I'd say today ranked high on the good day meter.  Good weather, good meeting (with a good triple chocolate brownie), good friends and good food.  Did I leave anything out?

I've been photo op stalking this birdhouse for a couple of weeks now.  Something about it caught my attention as I made my way home from a grocery run one day.  Or maybe it was just that the weather became warm enough for me to pull my nose out of the collar of my coat and look up.  No matter how often I walked by it (pretty much daily), the timing just didn't seem right yet.  I pondered the angle and the lighting, thinking I needed to catch the 1:00pm sunlight.  Today, I accidentally found out that I wanted the 9:30am sun.  And without knowing it, I was waiting on the emergence of the blazing scarlet background provided by the Japanese maple.

I love all of the textural contrasts - the black gloss, the rough brick, soft foliage, angular roof lines, the split of azure sky down the center of the frame.  My efforts were worth it; I got what I wanted.  If birds invested in real estate, my exterior photo would totally sell this house. :)

You know what makes everything better?  Cookies.  You know what makes cookies better?  When you can make 24 of them for $0.99.  What do I care if they're emblazoned with slightly distorted pink bunnies a week after Easter?  I should neither be proud or forthright about this, but I'm pretty sure there are only about ten of those little babies left.  Out of two dozen.  And I just made them at 5:30pm.  Oh well.

In other good news, I finished my third paying gig in a five day period.  So far I don't have any additional projects on the horizon that will contribute to my bank account, but that will give me a few days to dig my heels into my break.it.down. blog.  I'm all over the map lately, doing something different every day.  So far, it's kind of working for me.

The trees are starting to fill out with leaves, but unfortunately that means there will soon be more petals on the ground than the branches.  The grass is already covered with a healthy dusting, almost like a spring snow.

On another note, today my phone rang and the display showed a number that was familiar, yet not in my contact list. My attention was strongly focused on playoff hockey, so I absentmindedly answered the call out of force of habit.  Only as I said hello did I realize why the number was familiar.  It was an extension from my alma mater; the kind that brings tidings of "how much money can you give".  Clearly, since I'm unemployed, I knew that this poor student making minimum wage had no chance of converting me to meet her quota.

She was so nervous, but I had the utmost respect for her guts to make these cold calls.  I can only imagine how it must feel to try and come up with idle small talk over and over again, before going in for the bank account.  My real point here is that one thread of our conversation that got me thinking.  Or, rather, it spurred a train of thought that I've had many times before.  She brought up my degree in advertising and asked if I was using it in my career.  Then inquired about how I had liked the program, adding that she had almost become an advertising major.  She decided on speech pathology instead.

There is no clear similarity between the two.  Odds are that she will not remember in two or three years why she chose one over the other.  She may not even remember that she considered advertising.  I can't help but think that if I were to be in the position of choosing a course of study now, after getting to know who I am and having some real world work experience, I likely would've chosen differently.  She also told me that when I graduated, tuition rates were something like $265 per credit hour.  Now students are paying $405 per credit hour.  All of that money is going toward an education that they may or may not find relevant five years from now.  They're declaring majors and taking classes in a subject matter that many of them chose somewhat subjectively.  It could've been a hunch, perhaps the major a friend chose, or fulfillment of the expectations their parents set forth for them.

Don't get me wrong, I love learning and knowledge so much that I would go back to school tomorrow if it wasn't going to cost me anything.  And I obviously understand that there are those among us who may have always known what they wanted to do in life, or felt a strong connection once they got to college.  But I've also been around long enough to know that there are so many people who have no idea why they chose their major or have a degree collecting dust, because they have no intention to work in that field.  I may or may not be on the path to becoming one of those people.

Sometimes there is no explaining what catches my eye.  This happens to be a stairwell in a commercial building, painted green, with a nice wooden railing.  Besides, I could just post photos of flowers every day or I could keep you guessing.

Apparently three consecutive days of real work have taken their toll on this body so accustomed to zen mode.  It's 9:05pm on a Saturday night and you better believe that this post will max out at six sentences.  My book and I are off to spend some quality time together; I invited my mattress and pillow, too.

Or lazy.  Or Lincoln Park Zoo.  That's where I took this photo, and my level of motivation, while I waited for a bus.  It was another busy day of real, money-earning tasks.  Guess what?  I have yet another one tomorrow.  AND I confirmed another gig, doing some copyediting, that will claim my Monday.  I'm calling Sunday a free day though; I wouldn't want to work too hard (insert dry, slightly sarcastic tone).

In an astounding turn of events, I was so busy today that I nearly forgot about posting a photo.  It has been quite awhile since I've rushed around with meetings and work to do.  Apparently when I put some emails, résumés and ads into the world, things start rolling.  Now we'll have to see what sticks!

It was a strangely familiar, yet abnormal, feeling to be downtown during the workday.  Something that was so routine for three years has just as easily faded into obscurity in my brain.  I must say, though, I liked be around some movement and energy.  Although being calm and happy is wonderful, I'm up for a little variety in my days again.

It has been a pretty positive 24 hours.  I've had two tentative bites on my freelancing line.  One of them hasn't responded to my request for a more specific project scope, but I have a meeting arranged tomorrow afternoon with the other!  Not to doubt myself, but I truly had little hope that a Craigslist ad featuring copywriting and editing services would bring me much bounty.  Clearly I'm not achieving anything more than pocket cash (or more accurately, bill payments), but it's still buoying my hopes of making things work with an unconventional living.

Now, I just need the warm weather to return, so I can sit on a patio in the sun while I'm getting paid to edit and create a PowerPoint presentation.

A couple of weeks ago, I test drove a free yoga class at this experimental community events/financial advising/cafe hybrid that State Farm created in Chicago.  Obviously that landed me on their email distribution list.  It turns out that this was in my favor.  Yesterday I received an email with an irresistible offer: free coffee and crepe (nutella!).  Sold.

As it turns out, it's nice to get out of my apartment for a few hours.  You know, mingle with the masses.  Truthfully, that's been one of the things on my mind during this quest for employment enlightenment.  As much as I want my lifestyle to be fluid, would I go crazy playing the "work from home" game?  Sure, cubicle dwelling can feel confined, but there's something to be said about having other people around to liven up your days.

Oh, and I really liked the tables there - that nice, natural woodgrain.  I wish I could bring one of them home.

Yesterday was my 100th post.  How have there already been that many days in 2012?

I realized that Monday has become my most productive day of the week.  It probably helps that I've been writing out an hour-by-hour schedule on Sunday nights.  Besides grocery shopping, today's accomplishments involved a posting on Craigslist and a blog facelift.

No, I am not selling off all of my belongings instead of getting a job.  I'm advertising my writing and editing services to small businesses.  There are a lot of other people floating that offer around though, so we'll see if it gains any traction.  I figured it didn't hurt to try.

And the blog I referred to is the hopefully soon to be revived "break. it. down."  I put some thought into content and style revisions over the weekend, and now I'm laying the foundation so I can start doing the writing.

Tomorrow's mission is to email some local professional organization companies and see if anyone can use a helping hand.

Exploratory baby steps.  That's where I'm at right now.

If only I could've actually spent today napping on the beach, instead of just employing it as a play on words for this photo.  Although 60 degrees and sunny is nice for the spring time, it just doesn't live up to that amazing summer-like week in March.

My only hesitance about using this photo for today is that the bulldozer says, "GO SOX".  I would like to provide a disclaimer stating that I am not a Sox fan.  But I'm not exactly a Cubs fan either.  It seems that my blood runs thick with Michigan sports teams, even if I'm no longer a resident.  So, just pretend that dozer says, "GO TIGERS" - or, better yet, "GO WINGS".

There are times where taking photos appears completely natural and other times when you can make yourself feel extremely self-conscious.  On the beaches of Costa Rica, there were dozens of people wandering around with cameras in hand.  Taking an afternoon stroll alone through the residential streets of Chicago, you tend to get scrutinized more often.  I have definitely walked past something that piqued my curiosity more than once, because someone was walking near me.  In my head, I'm telling myself that if I stop and take a picture of the flower by that front stoop...the person behind me is going to think I'm some kind of criminal or creeper.

In reality, nine out of ten people are probably just as curious as me.  They want to know what I see that's so interesting.  Last week I stopped, squatted, and contorted myself to get an angle I liked on an expanse of white tulips in front of a row house.  There was a woman walking toward me, but I decided to disregard her.  As she walked by, she simply said, "They certainly are beautiful, aren't they."  She could not have cared less.  Maybe she would've even liked a copy of the photo that I took.

This is a psychological war I've always fought, not just in photographing the streets of Chicago.  I tend to be a play by the rules kind of girl.  Beyond that, I don't like to call attention to myself.  In doing so, I often miss out on opportunity.  So, in a roundabout way, this blog is helping me realize how illogical of a wall I've constructed.  Hopefully, I continue to make progress in knocking it down.  Although, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from analyzing whether it looks like a I'm casing someone's home before I take a photo.

Easter weekend and, much to my mom's chagrin, I am not making my way home.  She tried to tempt me with the promise of steak dinner on Sunday, which was a card well-played.  Fortunately, there's that whole heightened sense of willpower to support me.  I can't qualify spending $60 on gas for a steak dinner; especially when I could spend the entire weekend in Chicago and buy myself a steak dinner for less.  Every day is becoming a constant reminder of my lacking income.  It's not because I can't pay the bills, but because I feel guilty spending on anything beyond the bills.

On the up side, I'm about to put a few exploratory sticks in the fire...whether any of them end up being the source I want to look to for my future income, we shall see.  Decisions, decisions.

It may look like spring still, but it certainly feels more like winter again.  I'm rather grateful for this daily obligation to photograph my world, because it forces me out of the confines of my apartment.  When you have no job and, hence, no income...it becomes routine to not stray into temptation.  Essentially, that encompasses anywhere that would allow you to purchase things that you don't actually need.

I have always been relatively strong willed and able to resist unnecessary purchasing, but this little exercise in unemployment has brought it to a whole new level.  Not only am I cutting off all spending on clothes, shoes, decorative items, etc., but I'm very cognizant of my food choices.  Maybe it'll become so ingrained that once I do return to the world of the earning, I'll be able to shovel money into retirement savings and bid the working world adios before I'm 40.  Optimistic?  Maybe.  Impossible?  No.

Another day, another photo filter app.  This time is the eponymous Instagram...for Android.  Although so many non-iPhone users were anxiously awaiting the ability to join the club, I was ambivalent (to being part of the "cool" crowd) with a tinge of curious (thanks to a slight tech-geek streak).  My consensus: their filters are polished and superior to several other apps I've used.  On the flip side, you can't fine tune exposure and EVERY photo has to be cropped to square.  Sometimes I just want a rectangular photo.  Actually, most times.

On a completely unrelated note, my brother sent me an article about a website called Fiverr.  The premise is interesting and has my wheels turning. "What would you be willing to do for $5?"  You can create a profile and post anything you'd be willing to say, do, create, perform, etc. - just ensure that you're content with a $5 payout.  From there, it's a marketplace like any other.  There are some pretty standard services offered, like proofreading a paper or recording a birthday message in a celebrity soundalike voice.  And then there's the not so common, such as sending a jpg image of a custom-made blackmail note.  Yeah, you know the kind, the magazine letters glued to paper type of stalker note.  Although I could clearly post up some helpful writing or marketing skills, I'm actually trying to brainstorm a quirkier set of skills.  If no one responds, it's no loss to me.  Otherwise, maybe I could be putting a few Lincolns in my pocket.

It's difficult for me to believe that this is my 93rd entry.  More than that, I've managed to find at least 93 things that inspired me enough to take a photo of them.  That was much easier in Costa Rica, where nearly everything seemed novel and amazing.  Somehow, I've managed to revitalize how I view my own neighborhood, too.

On the other hand, I'm getting restless.  Today's test drive didn't cost me anything; I just downloaded an app that allows me to play with filters and tinker with image settings.  What I'd really like is 1) a DSLR camera with all the fixins' and 2) some new environments to inspire me.  Not that Chicago doesn't have hidden gems scattered throughout the diverse neighborhoods, many of which I haven't visited.  If we really want to get straight to the point, I'm craving international travel again...already.  I suppose we'll see how long I can drag out my fascination with photo filters instead.

When I woke up this morning, I hoped in vain that the gray skies and cold air were Mother Nature's interpretation of an April Fool's joke.  Now that we've surpassed the hour of the evening allotted for a sunset, and I never saw a ray of sun, I suppose I have my answer.  Clearly I shouldn't have any grounds for disgruntlement after that glorious, yet aberrant, week of March "summer".  Unfortunately, that juxtaposition only makes these consecutive days of cold gloom that much less bearable.  I just want to frolic outdoors...without a jacket.

It's also possible that I'm getting antsy without an overarching purpose in my day or life.  Perhaps I've mentioned that before.  I'm working on it.