Archive for January 2013
One year ago on this date, I walked away from predictable and comfortable for an unplanned period of time. I've spent much of the past few weeks having those vivid reels of memory play through my mind. Mostly I flash back to Costa Rica. I relive scenery and conversations: glimpses of sunrise walks on the beach and rainforest canopies, soundbites of choppy Spanish conversation and Pacific waves. It's an involuntary but unstoppable brain activity imbued with a sense of fondness and longing.
I've spent a lot of hours pondering 'happiness' - discussing, reading, thinking. What I've come to conclude is that I can't think of happiness as an aggregate. So what exactly does that mean? There's no such thing as the perfect alignment of all circumstances and situations. This isn't Pleasantville. Life doesn't fit in a box. If we expect to attain perfection across all of life's myriad segments (career, home, love, family, etc.) at once, then we've only set ourselves up for a fall.
Looking at it from another angle, we also can't expect to believe that a single decision we make right now will remain the unaltered solution in the long term. By nature, our needs and ideals shift and change. So you can't ask yourself, "What will make me happy forever?" Odds are, there isn't an answer. I'm no longer even willing to ask myself, "What will make me happy a year from now?". Because, honestly, one year ago I wouldn't have had a clue about my life course in January 2013. I actually didn't even want to have a clue. And I'm remembering how that lack of pressure felt so freeing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to stop striving toward certain goals. But much like my 2013 goal planning, allowing myself to shift focus if one goal feels out of sync, I want to keep my life decisions malleable. I want happiness to mean that I'm content with what I'm doing in the present. And if I'm not, that I'm exploring ways to redirect myself. This could be as high level as a job or living situation, or as rudimentary as being bored on a Saturday afternoon.
One other thought, snagged from a blog that I follow, that keeps running through my head:
"I realised it was never about what I wanted to do, but about how I wanted to feel."
sentimental graffiti \01.13\
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Labels:
graffiti,
texture,
urban
I've spent a lot of hours pondering 'happiness' - discussing, reading, thinking. What I've come to conclude is that I can't think of happiness as an aggregate. So what exactly does that mean? There's no such thing as the perfect alignment of all circumstances and situations. This isn't Pleasantville. Life doesn't fit in a box. If we expect to attain perfection across all of life's myriad segments (career, home, love, family, etc.) at once, then we've only set ourselves up for a fall.
Looking at it from another angle, we also can't expect to believe that a single decision we make right now will remain the unaltered solution in the long term. By nature, our needs and ideals shift and change. So you can't ask yourself, "What will make me happy forever?" Odds are, there isn't an answer. I'm no longer even willing to ask myself, "What will make me happy a year from now?". Because, honestly, one year ago I wouldn't have had a clue about my life course in January 2013. I actually didn't even want to have a clue. And I'm remembering how that lack of pressure felt so freeing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to stop striving toward certain goals. But much like my 2013 goal planning, allowing myself to shift focus if one goal feels out of sync, I want to keep my life decisions malleable. I want happiness to mean that I'm content with what I'm doing in the present. And if I'm not, that I'm exploring ways to redirect myself. This could be as high level as a job or living situation, or as rudimentary as being bored on a Saturday afternoon.
One other thought, snagged from a blog that I follow, that keeps running through my head:
"I realised it was never about what I wanted to do, but about how I wanted to feel."
In the midst of a rain/snow, trekking down the sidewalk, head down, this texture caught my eye. I got a few strange looks as I pulled out my phone and photographed the corner of a doorway multiple times. Small price to pay for an "ooh!" moment in an otherwise cold and dreary atmosphere.
red & rusty \01.06\
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Labels:
building,
color,
texture
Despite no longer being beholden to daily posting, I couldn't seem to break the habit today. There was sunlight, a rare winter occurrence. Even though it was a balmy 25 degrees outside, I bundled up and spent as much quality time with my camera as possible...until my fingers went numb. Then I stopped at Starbucks and had a hot chocolate.
Even though the scenery is mostly dreary and colorless, I made it my mission to somehow draw out visual interest with the textures, light and shadows. I'm relatively pleased with my little mission, although there were quite a few duds in the camera roll.
let there be light \01.01\
Full View
Labels:
ice,
lamp,
outdoors,
reflection,
sun,
winter
Even though the scenery is mostly dreary and colorless, I made it my mission to somehow draw out visual interest with the textures, light and shadows. I'm relatively pleased with my little mission, although there were quite a few duds in the camera roll.
Victory is mine! The day-to-day account of a year in the life of my lens and my mind comes to a close. Knowing that I actually fulfilled the old "you can do whatever you put your mind to" adage is motivating in looking forward to 2013. So it's time to set some new benchmarks. Based on my commentary from yesterday's post, regarding the over-exuberance in committing to new things, I'm approaching plans for next year in a slightly different manner.
Similar to goal-setting in a business environment, I'll have a couple overarching goals for the year. But I'll think a little more short-term for the goals with more of a trial and error aspect - those will be revised quasi-quarterly. (I say 'quasi' because the odds of me regrouping exactly on April 1 is unlikely.) This will allow me to feel at ease in not taking on a million ideas at once, and also in assessing whether my Q1 attempts were worthwhile without feeling guilty for not following through all year long. So it's more of a way to trick my own mind while also maintaining a semblance of organization.
--
The overarching goals, as they stand today:
1. International Travel - At least two international excursions. Those are tentatively set already: Ecuador in late May and Croatia in September. If this quantity has room for increase, you'll find no complaints from me. I'd be happy to overachieve on this one.
2. Keeping in Touch - I can admittedly be pretty bad at this. I'm not the world's best phone talker. I'd actually be better at keeping touch if we went back to the old pen pal method, pen and paper. Or even email. My communication style is better suited to writing, but that's not the general method that other people in my life employ. But it's important to me that I do a better job of touching base with the important, yet distant, people in my life.
So there isn't an exact plan in place, but I need to sometimes suck up my lack of enthusiasm for phone calls and also consider other communication adaptations. Cards, flowers, text messages. It'll be different for the individual in question. And where the option is feasible, finding time to visit is the best alternative of all.
3. Photography - This should go without saying. I want to learn my camera so well that it feels like a native limb to my body, exploring function as well as composition and point of view. Where infatuation already exists, I think there is an opportunity to develop this hobby into a real love affair.
--
For the approximate timeframe of January through March, my trial and error goals include:
1. Exercise - The New Year's gold standard. As soon as spring hits, I can't get enough of active outdoor pursuits. A natural vigor for physical activity hits me. When it's dark, cold and dreary - nothing. Pushing buttons on my TV remote sounds like suitable aerobic activity.
So while I don't expect myself to be pushing five to seven days a week, I'd like to maintain at least a moderate level. They say it's good for your mental sanity, which is actual more important for me in the winter than my physical state. So a combo of yoga, perhaps once a week, and a couple pre- or post-work sessions in my basic basement gym will be the aim.
2. Spanish - I've loved the language since I was ten. While most people couldn't wait to finish the obligatory two years of language required in high school, I took four. Then I took two semesters in college, for fun. When I visit Spanish-speaking countries, I have mixed emotions of love and fear. I want to speak it, I love the way Spanish feels rolling off of my tongue, but I'm frustrated by my elementary capabilities.
Clearly that's all within my control. I've looked at language classes and online instruction exhaustively, but it never feels like good value for my money. That's because I've already been through all of those lessons. What I really need is simple immersion. Not having a Spanish-speaking friend, I need to seek one out. So the mission is to find a conversation partner (after first determining a reputable source to do so) and begin working my way up to fluency.
Though this one is part of a lifelong mission, it falls into the trial and error goals, because I'm not sure if this method is the solution. Perhaps I'll get started and realize that I do, in fact, need a structured course. Or that I need to drop everything and move in with a family in rural Argentina.
3. Creative Outlets - This category will start out vague, because I'm not sure which ones will catch on. Or maybe none of them will catch, but they'll all be valuable one-off experiences. They say that engaging in other creative outlets helps feed the creativity for your true passion. And who knows, maybe along the way I find another passion. Or learn some important lessons about life, the world, myself.
So I'm going to push myself to try things that I've never done, while trying to quell the fear of not being good at them. As a perfectionist, that's always part of the fear of new things. "What if I'm horrible?" My mind has often run away with itself, imagining the consequences in great, horrid detail. It can rarely be as bad as all of that. Thanks to services like Dabble, I'm going to keep the creative wheels turning and see what happens.
--
Three macro and micro goals apiece seems like a good starting point. Especially since some of them are still a little vague in my head and not immediately executable. They'll require some sifting, sorting and planning. I feel good about starting 2013; it's difficult to believe what a different starting position I'm in from last year.
Last, but not least, thanks to anyone and everyone who kept my little project on their radar in 2012. Honestly, keeping it up would've been infinitely more difficult if I hadn't seen any views when I peaked at the stats. Even one page view a day kept me compelled. It'll actually be pretty cool some day in the future to look back on that one time I essentially chronicled a year of my life. So thanks for keeping me on track.
In the next year, I'm not planning to disappear from cyberspace but the rules will be a little more lax. Tentatively, the plan is at least one post a week. The focus will probably be more photos and less text, but it'll really just depend on inspiration. You may get five posts one week, a short novel one day, or a single snapshot in a week with only a title. But I'll be around - and I hope you will too.
Happy New Year!
pour the bubbly \12.31\
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Labels:
champagne,
hat,
holiday,
wine
Victory is mine! The day-to-day account of a year in the life of my lens and my mind comes to a close. Knowing that I actually fulfilled the old "you can do whatever you put your mind to" adage is motivating in looking forward to 2013. So it's time to set some new benchmarks. Based on my commentary from yesterday's post, regarding the over-exuberance in committing to new things, I'm approaching plans for next year in a slightly different manner.Similar to goal-setting in a business environment, I'll have a couple overarching goals for the year. But I'll think a little more short-term for the goals with more of a trial and error aspect - those will be revised quasi-quarterly. (I say 'quasi' because the odds of me regrouping exactly on April 1 is unlikely.) This will allow me to feel at ease in not taking on a million ideas at once, and also in assessing whether my Q1 attempts were worthwhile without feeling guilty for not following through all year long. So it's more of a way to trick my own mind while also maintaining a semblance of organization.--
The overarching goals, as they stand today:
1. International Travel - At least two international excursions. Those are tentatively set already: Ecuador in late May and Croatia in September. If this quantity has room for increase, you'll find no complaints from me. I'd be happy to overachieve on this one.
2. Keeping in Touch - I can admittedly be pretty bad at this. I'm not the world's best phone talker. I'd actually be better at keeping touch if we went back to the old pen pal method, pen and paper. Or even email. My communication style is better suited to writing, but that's not the general method that other people in my life employ. But it's important to me that I do a better job of touching base with the important, yet distant, people in my life.
So there isn't an exact plan in place, but I need to sometimes suck up my lack of enthusiasm for phone calls and also consider other communication adaptations. Cards, flowers, text messages. It'll be different for the individual in question. And where the option is feasible, finding time to visit is the best alternative of all.
3. Photography - This should go without saying. I want to learn my camera so well that it feels like a native limb to my body, exploring function as well as composition and point of view. Where infatuation already exists, I think there is an opportunity to develop this hobby into a real love affair.
--
For the approximate timeframe of January through March, my trial and error goals include:
1. Exercise - The New Year's gold standard. As soon as spring hits, I can't get enough of active outdoor pursuits. A natural vigor for physical activity hits me. When it's dark, cold and dreary - nothing. Pushing buttons on my TV remote sounds like suitable aerobic activity.
So while I don't expect myself to be pushing five to seven days a week, I'd like to maintain at least a moderate level. They say it's good for your mental sanity, which is actual more important for me in the winter than my physical state. So a combo of yoga, perhaps once a week, and a couple pre- or post-work sessions in my basic basement gym will be the aim.
2. Spanish - I've loved the language since I was ten. While most people couldn't wait to finish the obligatory two years of language required in high school, I took four. Then I took two semesters in college, for fun. When I visit Spanish-speaking countries, I have mixed emotions of love and fear. I want to speak it, I love the way Spanish feels rolling off of my tongue, but I'm frustrated by my elementary capabilities.
Clearly that's all within my control. I've looked at language classes and online instruction exhaustively, but it never feels like good value for my money. That's because I've already been through all of those lessons. What I really need is simple immersion. Not having a Spanish-speaking friend, I need to seek one out. So the mission is to find a conversation partner (after first determining a reputable source to do so) and begin working my way up to fluency.
Though this one is part of a lifelong mission, it falls into the trial and error goals, because I'm not sure if this method is the solution. Perhaps I'll get started and realize that I do, in fact, need a structured course. Or that I need to drop everything and move in with a family in rural Argentina.
3. Creative Outlets - This category will start out vague, because I'm not sure which ones will catch on. Or maybe none of them will catch, but they'll all be valuable one-off experiences. They say that engaging in other creative outlets helps feed the creativity for your true passion. And who knows, maybe along the way I find another passion. Or learn some important lessons about life, the world, myself.
So I'm going to push myself to try things that I've never done, while trying to quell the fear of not being good at them. As a perfectionist, that's always part of the fear of new things. "What if I'm horrible?" My mind has often run away with itself, imagining the consequences in great, horrid detail. It can rarely be as bad as all of that. Thanks to services like Dabble, I'm going to keep the creative wheels turning and see what happens.
--
Three macro and micro goals apiece seems like a good starting point. Especially since some of them are still a little vague in my head and not immediately executable. They'll require some sifting, sorting and planning. I feel good about starting 2013; it's difficult to believe what a different starting position I'm in from last year.
Last, but not least, thanks to anyone and everyone who kept my little project on their radar in 2012. Honestly, keeping it up would've been infinitely more difficult if I hadn't seen any views when I peaked at the stats. Even one page view a day kept me compelled. It'll actually be pretty cool some day in the future to look back on that one time I essentially chronicled a year of my life. So thanks for keeping me on track.
In the next year, I'm not planning to disappear from cyberspace but the rules will be a little more lax. Tentatively, the plan is at least one post a week. The focus will probably be more photos and less text, but it'll really just depend on inspiration. You may get five posts one week, a short novel one day, or a single snapshot in a week with only a title. But I'll be around - and I hope you will too.
Happy New Year!