I've spent a lot of hours pondering 'happiness' - discussing, reading, thinking. What I've come to conclude is that I can't think of happiness as an aggregate. So what exactly does that mean? There's no such thing as the perfect alignment of all circumstances and situations. This isn't Pleasantville. Life doesn't fit in a box. If we expect to attain perfection across all of life's myriad segments (career, home, love, family, etc.) at once, then we've only set ourselves up for a fall.
Looking at it from another angle, we also can't expect to believe that a single decision we make right now will remain the unaltered solution in the long term. By nature, our needs and ideals shift and change. So you can't ask yourself, "What will make me happy forever?" Odds are, there isn't an answer. I'm no longer even willing to ask myself, "What will make me happy a year from now?". Because, honestly, one year ago I wouldn't have had a clue about my life course in January 2013. I actually didn't even want to have a clue. And I'm remembering how that lack of pressure felt so freeing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to stop striving toward certain goals. But much like my 2013 goal planning, allowing myself to shift focus if one goal feels out of sync, I want to keep my life decisions malleable. I want happiness to mean that I'm content with what I'm doing in the present. And if I'm not, that I'm exploring ways to redirect myself. This could be as high level as a job or living situation, or as rudimentary as being bored on a Saturday afternoon.
One other thought, snagged from a blog that I follow, that keeps running through my head:
"I realised it was never about what I wanted to do, but about how I wanted to feel."
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