see as i saw

It's amazing how exhausting continuous days of mental exertion can be.  Or simply shaving off three hours of sleep that you're accustomed to.  It seems to fine tune all of my senses.  Noises seem louder, sharper, more clamorous.  Smells are too pungent, all-encompassing.  Lights are too bright.  Yet, everything tastes good.

All I could think about in my mental and physical exhaustion was the delicious comfort of carbohydrate-laden foods.  My body was yearning for bread and pasta.  So I indulged.  I met head on with an act of winter hibernation survival.  And I relished every ounce of those carbs, feeling guilty for none of it.  Even topping off the night with a little Ghiradelli chocolate ice cream for good measure.

Now I'm happily full, sleepier than ever, and barely making it through this post with open eyes.  I will dig deep for the effort required to transfer from my cozy state on the couch, only because my bed has so much more real estate and better pillows.

It's way past my bedtime.  And I just got home.  This is unusual for me, even on a weekend night.  But in the name of professional responsibility, I have spent a night imbibing and mingling.  All while wearing heels and standing in them for what seemed like an endless number of hours.  Also, I'm not sure that I've ever seen so many pairs of black heels in one place at the same time.

What I've learned: everyone in media and media buying knows one another, and I do not.  But I managed to run into an old co-worker, so my social tally wasn't completely vacant.  And we hosted a few clients in our group, so I suppose they count as familiar faces.  Few people surpassed the 35-year-old mark; I'm even willing to bet that the average age was closer to 25 than 30.  You could sense a little of that "not far removed from college" essence as the night drew out.

As responsible adults, we returned to the office just before midnight to gather our laptops and belongings.  The security dudes seemed less than pleased to see us, disdainful of our ability to ascertain (without assistance or prior knowledge) that you must swipe AND push the handicap accessible button to enter the office after hours.

Thus, at 11:45 Mountain Standard Time, I leave you for the comfort of my pillow.  Thankful that my morning commute consists of staggering from my bed to whichever sitting place in my apartment I decide to reside in.

Sometimes I'm intensely dedicated to tasks and projects.  At other times I pretend they don't exist until I've run out of time.  The latter category is where I'd place shopping 99% of the time.  That encompasses clothing, shoes, home goods, groceries, and so forth.  Maybe it's the overstimulation of so many choices between stores and products.  It would make sense with my penchant for list making.

For weeks I've intended to buy skinny black pants to wear with my boots, particularly for a work event that I'm attending tomorrow.  I'm sure you can guess when I decided to go in pursuit of those pants.  If I had a magical, go-to store where I already knew that everything fit me, maybe it would be a different story.  Instead I did a tour of State Street, ended up at Macy's, and bought a pair of pants that I'm not entirely convinced that I like.  But there was no way that I was continuing the shopping charade.

I have no doubt that I am not the only person who suffers from an acute case of procrastination.  (Although, for many, shopping probably doesn't fall in that category.)  I can feel myself doing it when I receive certain emails, perhaps because I have to deliver a negative response or put effort into digging up an answer.  If I let my dishes pile in the sink for more than a day, they're likely to stay there for five.  They become more and more intimidating as time passes.

Books and blogs and supposed experts all have their tips to prevent procrastination, but do you really think there's anyone with a 100% success rate?  Someone who always works steadily through the things that are handed to them, without question?  If I wanted to play with semantics, I could just say that what I'm doing is prioritizing.

I often joke that I work in a frat house; it's just the four guys and me.  Conversations range from dumb humor to things that are less than appropriate to baby strollers (they all have young kids).  A debate over the hotness of Christina Hendricks ended with the tables being flipped, the guys demanding my celebrity wishlist.

Although there's no doubt that I frequently swoon over an array of actors, musicians and athletes, I scrambled to come up with a top five.  I couldn't get past Adam Levine in the moment.  I'm sure it's because I was so focused on my work.  So I was required to promise that I'd develop a top ten.  I've run through who's top of mind, but I'm sure there are some obvious ones that I'm forgetting.

This is not about to become an insightful post.  Some days I'm not up for deep-delving thoughts and analysis.  Like today.  Instead I bring you my top ten, as it stands tonight, in no particular order.  Not surprisingly, most of these guys have dark hair.  And I want you to understand how difficult it was to not include 90% of professional male tennis players as a line item in my list.

1. Adam Levine
2. Matt Bomer
3. Andrew Garfield
4. Carter Oosterhouse (if you watch HGTV, you should be familiar)
5. Ben Affleck
6. Andy Roddick
7. Darren Criss
8. Ryan Gosling
9. Ryan Reynolds
10. Milo Ventimiglia (see: Gilmore Girls)

Hmm, now I can't stop myself from thinking of more possibilities, but I'm not willing to alter my top ten.  Some usual suspects that don't make my list?  David Beckham, Brad Pitt (maybe back in the day, not now), Channing Tatum, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio.  If you don't have your own top ten, please take a moment to daydream.  And feel free to share.

Despite my appreciation for the 70 degree December day, it's thrown me off-balance.  Pair that with the fact that it's Monday and clearly I was incapable of gaining equilibrium.  That means I have nothing thoughtful or provoking to share, no stories or adventures of substance.  Unless, of course, you're interested in the cilantro-garnished chorizo taco that I ate for lunch.  Highlight of the day.

Actually, I take that back.  Lunch was usurped on its pedestal by the later realization that a business trip next Tuesday will put me within 1,026 AAdvantage miles of the 30,000 needed for the lowest class "free" ticket to Ecuador.  And it just so happens that the timeframe in which I want to go is considered part of the off-peak season (also a necessary caveat to get the flight for 30,000 miles).

Thanks to some site where I was taking surveys for points during my unemployment this summer, I redeemed those points for 500 additional miles.  And a little internet digging tonight may have warranted me a promo code that doubles any miles earned through the end of the year.  That should be me at no more than 526 miles shy and hopefully the double miles pushes me beyond 30,000.

I'm not getting my hopes up that a flight will actually be available, because word on the street (internet) is that these lowest-class tickets are hard to get a grasp on.  Hopefully, since Ecuador isn't a huge destination for the average American, I'll have a fighting chance.

Did you know that only at the equator will roses grow with straight stems?  And Ecuador has found a way to make bank on that: American men and a Hallmark holiday.  That's right, apparently one third of the United States' Valentine's roses are exported from Ecuador.  The things you learn when reading Lonely Planet.

The book also informed me that quinoa has long been a diet staple in the country, particularly the northern highlands.  Looks like I won't have trouble find something to eat on the menus there.  Although, I'm still a little bit on the fence about braised goat and guinea pig.

Thanks to the sixty degree heatwave moving through the Midwest, today was a perfect opportunity to go have a little photo safari.  I didn't wander far from home; in fact, all of the places that I passed, I've been to thousands of times before.

What's interesting is that if I keep my eyes open, I still manage to find something that I didn't notice or didn't exist before.  My natural tendency to always be observing and processing seems to help me ferret out new, interesting or unique photo subjects and perspectives.

And despite the warmth, the environment is still dark and dreary - things that don't particularly match my desired aesthetic.  Yet if I put in a little more effort and look a bit closer, there always seems to be one redeeming shot.

With my tendency to use micro-level life situations as metaphors for life at large, I started thinking about how even in the dark moments of life there are points of light and inspiration to grab ahold of.  You just have to let yourself keep seeking, avoiding the urge to feel like the negative aspects are all-encompassing.

One of my goals after Costa Rica was to find ways to bring myself back to the pura vida state of mind, to not squander all of the clarity and peace that came out of my adventure.