I cut and pasted together an essential meaning that makes sense to me: uplifting oneself by surrendering the ego and releasing it into the fire. 'Swaha' is a mantra, which makes it akin to a mental action, a keyword to remind you to engage.
Too often, I take offense or get overwrought worrying about what other people say to me or think about me. I get caught up in how inappropriately people act or treat myself and others. But I can't control other people, I can only control how I react and think about them.
The first part of this equation is something I've thought about and focused on before. In fact, it's likely contained in another one of these 322 posts. To some measure, I've managed to rein in my reactionary tendencies, whether that means an external or internal reaction.
But just because I've averted the negative flow of emotion, it doesn't mean I've taken my ego out of it. I'm still likely to let a single instance of someone else's action or opinions affect me - whether it's my view of them or myself. So although I began teaching myself how to quell the reaction, the effects still linger.
I seem to be going through a period right now where it feels like I'm struggling to keep a lot of balls in the air. So it's easy to get down on myself. 'Swaha' may be just a word, but it's a simpler way of reminding myself to remove my ego from an event and relinquish it, forget about it, let it cease to exist. And with that, perhaps it won't be the end of my struggling, but at least I can hope that it'll help keep me mentally afloat.
It's still a little strange for me to be this open about the things swirling in my head. I suppose there's a certain sense of invisibility about digital communication, allowing me to feel like I'm writing to no one. And there's also a little bit of that removal of ego that I've learned to embrace this year.
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