see as i saw

I thought it might be nice to pay homage to the sunny blue skies before the cold and rain regain their foothold tomorrow.  Luckily, I have a writing gig that demands completion tomorrow.  The forecast promises that I won't have to turn away from my computer screen and look longingly out the window.

There seems to be a slight momentum coming my way as this month wraps up and the next begins.  Whether it's a temporary surge remains to be seen.  In essence, I feel as though I'm on the brink of figuring something out or discovering the crack that leads to an "a-ha!" moment.  I can feel myself (metaphorically) leaning over the edge of a precipice, arm outstretched as far as it can go, just barely shy of reaching that coveted and unknown object.  All it needs is a little push, or perhaps on unorthodox approach to problem solving, to get it into my hands.

Yes, this is all a bit abstract.  Somehow, I just feel like something pivotal will happen soon; I'm ready and waiting to coax it along.

One interesting side of effect of the zero income status is learning how to be more efficient with what you buy and more industrious with what you already have.  The efficiency lesson started in Costa Rica, although the lower cost of living simplified it.  My weekly grocery total was negligible.  In the city, you have to put in a more concerted effort.

The cost efficiency juggling doesn't really thrill, but I do find some enjoyment in being industrious with whatever I have on hand.  You know those times when you rout through the cupboards and refrigerator claiming that there's nothing to eat?  I've found that a little creative thinking, generally accompanied by some Googling, reveals that there are several ways to mix and match what you have.  Sometimes those experiments come out surprisingly well, other times I'm less than impressed.  In an effort to not be wasteful, I eat them anyways.

I've also been taking standard household goods that are either collecting dust in my storage unit or derive from the packaging of some food item and upcycling them.  I have a mail collector made from a picture frame, sans glass, and some fabric.  The pen holder on my desk is a glass salsa jar with the label removed.  Shoeboxes are an old standby, but now I'm planning to up the visual appeal and create some uniformity by covering them in a neutral fabric.

Do I want to return to the world of not fretting over every cent that I spend?  Sure.  But I also appreciate this unintended life lesson that I ran myself into.

I know, I know.  A large portion of my photos are floral-based.  Let's just call it one of my girlier traits and move on.

In an effort to be prepared at a moment's notice, should the perfect job opportunity spring up in front of, I took a little time to bring my resume up-to-date.  Essentially, that meant assigning a January 2012 end date and adding a "Freelance" heading.  Being naturally inquisitive, I thought that I'd engage in a little Googling before writing out my freelance section.  How do that HR and resume professionals in internet land believe you should position independent work situations.

As it turns out, most of them told me that terms like "freelance", "contract" and "independent" are red flags.  Most people use them as gap fillers, while it indicates a penchant to start a solo enterprise for others.  I suppose that both of those could be fair assessments.  On my resume, though, freelance indicates a need to still be involved in a productive activity while exploring my options.  It is a means of continuing to grow while ensuring that I ultimately make the best decision for my future.  In my opinion, the time I spend freelancing shouldn't qualify me for the slush pile of resumes.

At the end of the day, I'll be so bold as to say that any company relegating me to that pile based on several months of working freelance isn't the type of company that will understand and appreciate what I have to offer.  So, my resume now proudly waves its freelance flag.

These days, I have so much time to let my mind run wild that I keep coming up with ideas and promptly forgetting about them.  Sometimes it's a job or business idea.  Other times it's a project I want to work on.  It can also be a topic I want to write about.  Of course, there's also the list of things I want to learn or accomplish. I try to write them down, but sometimes I'm convinced that I'll remember the idea later.  That's rarely how it works.

So, to throw a light on one of those many noted and forgotten goals and ideas: I want to attack the list of 100 novels that everyone should read.  Clearly there will be differentiation from one list to another.  From what I can find, the most "official" list comes from the Modern Library board.  Listed alongside the board's list is the reader's list (check out both lists here).  I'll warn you that sifting through these lists is an easy way to feel inadequate.  I'm an avid reader and even love classic literature.  My final tallies: 10% of the board's list completed and 13% of the reader's list.

When comparing the lists, they have only 30 novels in common.  That indicates the top 30, in my opinion.  I already have seven (only seven?!) of those under my belt.  Well, maybe 6.25 - I'm in the midst of reading Of Human Bondage now.  So, those other 23 will be my starting point.  There are 31ish weeks left in 2012, so my mission is to have the top 30 checked off before the calendar year changes.  I suppose that means I'll have to become friends with the Chicago Public Library again (and make good on the $0.31 in overdue charges still lingering).

My parents are big on taking a daily walk.  When I'm home, it's pretty much an unwritten rule that I'll be joining them.  Seeing as I've tried to fit in my own daily walks for the past four months, this works out pretty handily.  Unlike me, they tend to do the same route every day, cutting through neighborhoods, treelines and a golf course.  Today I learned about a new tactic they've employed to keep their walks interesting.

I've taken to calling it "scavenger hunt bocce golf".  Once they hit the golf course segment of the walk, they start searching in the trees for misdirected golf balls (scavenger hunt).  From that point until they hit the main road again, they alternate turns choosing targets and see who can toss the golf ball closest (bocce golf).  They've been doing this long enough that they have personal favorite targets that present challenges: toss the ball over a green space, bounce it in a parking lot, then clear the height of a retaining wall to hit a tree.

They also have a collection of at least 100 golf balls in their garage now.  It looks like joy really can be found in the simple things.

It's like Christmas morning every time I open the Travelzoo Weekly Top 20 email.  But then someone tells me that I can't play with any of the toys.  My travel dreams are kind of the large and constant type.  And I don't really make an effort to deter that.

Over the past couple of days, I've spent more than an ample amount of time digging into a blog/website called The Art of Non-Conformity.  The writer, Chris Guillebeau, is a world traveler.  Seriously, by this summer he will have visited every country in the world.  Beyond that, though, he's the type of guy that just embodies pretty much everything I've been feeling but hadn't yet connected.  I get him.  He has helped set my mind back in motion.  He's the first to say that his message and methods aren't for everyone, but the people that get it...GET IT!  It didn't hurt that I ran across Ayn Rand and Paulo Coelho quotes on his site.

Perhaps what I find most interesting is that I've actually read a post on Chris's site before, about two years ago.  It was passed to me by a friend who apparently knew me better than I knew myself.  The post was titled, "Why You Should Quit Your Job and Travel Around the World".  I didn't quite make it around the world, but I did quit my job and move to Costa Rica for a month.  I don't recall revisiting that post after the initial reading, but I've had it bookmarked in a folder called "Happiness" since that day.  As fate (and a pretty specifically worded Google search) would have it, I was reunited with The Art of Non-Conformity this week.  We're getting along famously, thus far.

Somehow we have already lived through a third of 2012.  In some ways, I can't imagine how four months have already passed, because it seems like I haven't done anything.  On the surface, nothing appears to have changed.  When I look a little closer, I realized that there have been quite a few bullet points in these four short months.

I quit my job and wandered into the great unknown, which I'm still lurking in.  I jetted off into an international dream world by myself for a month.  While I was there, I learned how to surf, navigated a nonsense public bus system in a foreign language, MacGyvered a leaking sink, disposed of a locust of bees, and stockpiled so many other life lessons.  Since I've been home, I threw together a Craigslist ad and learned how much people were willing to spend for my time and knowledge.  I inserted myself into an industry completed unrelated to my work experience and ended up on the set of Hoarders.  In the vast collection of spare moments that I have, I found a sense of contentment in cooking (something I spent most of my life fighting against).  Moral of the story: these four seemingly short months have allowed me to aggregate more personal growth and life experience than most years of my life.

Here's to the next third of the year being just as eventful and exploratory!

After 118 posts, it's difficult to remember what titles I've already use.  The good news is that if I can't really remember, then I doubt you can.  So, I guess we're good to go.

This is a story about cocoa powder.  Once upon a time, we'll call it two years ago, I bought a container of cocoa powder for one specific use.  After one tablespoon, it was relegated to the back of my cupboard.  We have since reconnected, many times.  All it took to bring us together was my lack of a job, which drove me to find time for and interest in making food.  Since mid-February, we have collaborated to make not one, but four, tasty concoctions: chocolate mousse, hot chocolate, chocolate syrup and chocolate pudding.

All of those years I fought my Mom over how much I hated being in the kitchen, who would've thought I'd change my tune so drastically.  I actually enjoy playing around in this miniature space my apartment passes off as a kitchen.  Just think how I'd feel if I actually had counter space and small appliances that were created after 1995, not that I'm hating on my free hand-me-downs.

The trees are starting to fill out with leaves, but unfortunately that means there will soon be more petals on the ground than the branches.  The grass is already covered with a healthy dusting, almost like a spring snow.

On another note, today my phone rang and the display showed a number that was familiar, yet not in my contact list. My attention was strongly focused on playoff hockey, so I absentmindedly answered the call out of force of habit.  Only as I said hello did I realize why the number was familiar.  It was an extension from my alma mater; the kind that brings tidings of "how much money can you give".  Clearly, since I'm unemployed, I knew that this poor student making minimum wage had no chance of converting me to meet her quota.

She was so nervous, but I had the utmost respect for her guts to make these cold calls.  I can only imagine how it must feel to try and come up with idle small talk over and over again, before going in for the bank account.  My real point here is that one thread of our conversation that got me thinking.  Or, rather, it spurred a train of thought that I've had many times before.  She brought up my degree in advertising and asked if I was using it in my career.  Then inquired about how I had liked the program, adding that she had almost become an advertising major.  She decided on speech pathology instead.

There is no clear similarity between the two.  Odds are that she will not remember in two or three years why she chose one over the other.  She may not even remember that she considered advertising.  I can't help but think that if I were to be in the position of choosing a course of study now, after getting to know who I am and having some real world work experience, I likely would've chosen differently.  She also told me that when I graduated, tuition rates were something like $265 per credit hour.  Now students are paying $405 per credit hour.  All of that money is going toward an education that they may or may not find relevant five years from now.  They're declaring majors and taking classes in a subject matter that many of them chose somewhat subjectively.  It could've been a hunch, perhaps the major a friend chose, or fulfillment of the expectations their parents set forth for them.

Don't get me wrong, I love learning and knowledge so much that I would go back to school tomorrow if it wasn't going to cost me anything.  And I obviously understand that there are those among us who may have always known what they wanted to do in life, or felt a strong connection once they got to college.  But I've also been around long enough to know that there are so many people who have no idea why they chose their major or have a degree collecting dust, because they have no intention to work in that field.  I may or may not be on the path to becoming one of those people.

In an astounding turn of events, I was so busy today that I nearly forgot about posting a photo.  It has been quite awhile since I've rushed around with meetings and work to do.  Apparently when I put some emails, résumés and ads into the world, things start rolling.  Now we'll have to see what sticks!

It was a strangely familiar, yet abnormal, feeling to be downtown during the workday.  Something that was so routine for three years has just as easily faded into obscurity in my brain.  I must say, though, I liked be around some movement and energy.  Although being calm and happy is wonderful, I'm up for a little variety in my days again.

It has been a pretty positive 24 hours.  I've had two tentative bites on my freelancing line.  One of them hasn't responded to my request for a more specific project scope, but I have a meeting arranged tomorrow afternoon with the other!  Not to doubt myself, but I truly had little hope that a Craigslist ad featuring copywriting and editing services would bring me much bounty.  Clearly I'm not achieving anything more than pocket cash (or more accurately, bill payments), but it's still buoying my hopes of making things work with an unconventional living.

Now, I just need the warm weather to return, so I can sit on a patio in the sun while I'm getting paid to edit and create a PowerPoint presentation.

Yesterday was my 100th post.  How have there already been that many days in 2012?

I realized that Monday has become my most productive day of the week.  It probably helps that I've been writing out an hour-by-hour schedule on Sunday nights.  Besides grocery shopping, today's accomplishments involved a posting on Craigslist and a blog facelift.

No, I am not selling off all of my belongings instead of getting a job.  I'm advertising my writing and editing services to small businesses.  There are a lot of other people floating that offer around though, so we'll see if it gains any traction.  I figured it didn't hurt to try.

And the blog I referred to is the hopefully soon to be revived "break. it. down."  I put some thought into content and style revisions over the weekend, and now I'm laying the foundation so I can start doing the writing.

Tomorrow's mission is to email some local professional organization companies and see if anyone can use a helping hand.

Exploratory baby steps.  That's where I'm at right now.

It's difficult for me to believe that this is my 93rd entry.  More than that, I've managed to find at least 93 things that inspired me enough to take a photo of them.  That was much easier in Costa Rica, where nearly everything seemed novel and amazing.  Somehow, I've managed to revitalize how I view my own neighborhood, too.

On the other hand, I'm getting restless.  Today's test drive didn't cost me anything; I just downloaded an app that allows me to play with filters and tinker with image settings.  What I'd really like is 1) a DSLR camera with all the fixins' and 2) some new environments to inspire me.  Not that Chicago doesn't have hidden gems scattered throughout the diverse neighborhoods, many of which I haven't visited.  If we really want to get straight to the point, I'm craving international travel again...already.  I suppose we'll see how long I can drag out my fascination with photo filters instead.

In a world with no income, you do what you have to do.  For me, that includes giving yoga a second chance.  To be fair, I didn't give it much of a real first chance; it was more like I skeptically tuned into OnDemand yoga workouts via my cable provider.  I found them mundane and generally ended up just lying on the floor for several minutes before pushing the stop button.  But, I'm intent on a healthy mind and body, so when I saw a free yoga class hosted locally...I had to give it a shot.

To be blatantly honest, I still didn't really like it.  My body doesn't have a natural inclination to move the way that yoga wants it to, and the holding poses thing still does not hold my attention.  I must admit, though, that I loved the last 5-10 minutes of class where you just lay on the mat, release the tension from your body, and sink into serenity.  Perhaps I'll give it another go, since it's free.  I do see how it can be good for my body; I'm just not sure I have the patience to keep at it until I get better.  What I really miss in my life is TurboKick.  Those classes have price tags above my means right now.

Even though the weather has been knocked down a notch or two, the earth still continues to bloom and the sun appears more often than it has since I set foot back in the U.S.  So, I'm pretty satisfied.  The itch for a purpose is starting to set in though...

More rain and fog.  I spent most of today on yet another micro cleaning and organization project (it feels much less overwhelming in bits and pieces).  My mission was to attack the smaller of my two closets.  I have a tendency to save shopping bags for reuse, because it makes me feel a little kinder to the environment.  Unfortunately, I can't possibly come up with enough needs for the number of bags I accumulated and stowed in that closet.  Suddenly I started feeling a lot less 'green'.  I've been making a half-concerted effort to bring my reusable bags for grocery shopping; it's time to step that up.  Although I'm not really in the market for buying clothes, shoes and personal items, the plan is to avoid bag abundance when I do shop again.

I wish I could bottle the city as it looks, feels and smells today.  Then I'd have this little package of bliss to release on a bad day and remind me of how amazing the natural world can make me feel.  The going was a little rough when I first returned from Costa Rica.  I couldn't fathom why I should possibly exist in the drab, gray world when there was equatorial beauty sitting in wait for me.  This past week in Chicago reminded me why I haven't plotted a permanent escape from a world with changing seasons.  Witnessing the transition from dormant to blooming creates exponentially more awe and appreciation for me than an "always on" outdoor environment.

It's a veritable treat for my senses.  Color returns to the world; even the sky shifts from it's wintertime steel blue to a softer cerulean.  The sounds of birds chirping and leaves rustling in the breeze drift through my open windows.  The aromatics of spring flora waft through the air.  Sunlight and warmth wrap you in their long-awaited goodness.  And maybe it's just the increased levels of serotonin in my brain, but even food tastes better.  My mouth starts to water at the prospect of fresh fruit or grilled meat.

The inspiration coursing through me was so strong that I literally stopped in the middle of a sidewalk, perched on a curb, and put this all in writing.  One small, counterproductive side effect of all the splendor - it erodes my motivation to return to the status of gainfully employed.  It's difficult to conceive of locking myself back into labor when all of this is at my fingertips.

Once upon time, my friend was in the homestretch of his twenties.  He used to describe himself throughout these years as "abstractly approaching 30".  At the time, I was freshly 21 and brushed off the concept of feeling old while you're still in your twenties.  There came a day when I hit that hidden threshold and found snapshots in time where I just feel plain old.  Now that I'm 28, I'm also adopting the terminology.  As of this first day of spring in 2012, I'm abstractly approaching 30.

Although my standard is one photo a day, I felt the need to make today a condensed, visual journey of how an unemployed urban dweller spends their birthday in unseasonably warm weather.  Is it anything mindblowing?  Not at all.  I would say, hands down, that it was the most relaxing and enjoyable birthday I remember having...probably ever.  

My morning started with reading in bed, followed by a self-made french toast breakfast.  A shout-out to Starbucks for providing me with a free iced mocha to enjoy while I walked to DSW, where I bought myself a small birthday present of new summer sandals (and thanks to a coupon, a free package of athletic socks).  Then I spent three hours soaking up the sun at the lake, alternating between reading, napping and people watching.  Usually I wear a winter jacket on my birthday, or carry an umbrella in best case scenarios; today I wore my swimsuit.  The icing on the cake (pun intended) was a ringing in 28 in company of the people that Chicago has made near and dear to me.

Over the years, I have spent a lot of effort not allowing myself to attribute meaning to birthdays.  There were too many of them that underwhelmed expectations.  I can honestly say that the past two years, in all of their simplicity, have chipped away at my skepticism.  There are good people surrounding me and I've realized that my birthday only highlights that, helping me remember to be thankful.  So, the 28th birthday is in the books and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm heading into a new year with optimism and anticipation.

That was an intense four days of March Madness and zombies (unrelated to one another, of course).  I am guilty of enjoying no more than two hours per day of the amazing pseudo-summer weather due to my NCAA hoops addiction.  Fortunately, I have until Thursday to regroup my sanity, turn one year older, and get outdoors.

What I have noticed during my daily walks is how quickly the landscape is starting to evolve.  What were once barren branches have already segued from buds to blooms within the past five days.  I've mentally earmarked so many places that I want to return to for photos when the brown and gray casts have disappeared.  The likelihood of me remembering all of those locales is slim to none, but they're all within the neighborhood.  I'm bound to pass them again.

I've been back in the U.S. for a month now; time is still managing to fly by, even though I'm not quite sure what I've been doing to occupy myself.  I continue to explore and learn about myself, uncovering what I want out of life and contemplating which direction to go in search of it.  When I made this decision to throw my world into a different gear, I was open-minded to the journey.  There is no way that I thought there was this much to learn and untangle in my mind though.  Despite not knowing what my final destination is or when I'll get there, I feel calm and assured that what I'm doing is for the best.

If you were unlucky enough to live in the Midwest and be employed today, sorry about that.  I spent the day taking a bike ride and reading at the beach.  The sun and the warmth were perfection, but the wind caused some unfortunate side effects on the beach.  I suppose that I at least left more exfoliated than I arrived...still working on getting the sand out of my left eye though.

So far, in 2012, I have worn a swimsuit at least once in each month.  Granted, in January and February I was in Costa Rica.  I think it should be duly noted that in March, though, I was in Chicago.  Hoping to keep that streak alive in April.  Also, I couldn't help but tentatively dip my toes in the water.  It was precisely as cold as you would assume.  I'll wait a little longer before diving in.

Good thing I spent my whole day absorbing the great outdoors, because tomorrow it will be all screens tuned to March Madness...TV and two laptops.  For now, I need to go fine-tune my bracket.