see as i saw

The first day of Christmas is (nearly) over.  And it has already been an exhausting festival of family and food.  I have been eyeballing the clock for at least two hours, wondering when it's acceptable to fall asleep without the nasty side effect of being wide awake at 4:00am.

Sometimes the West Coast and the Windy City intersect in the Great Lakes state.  Not in an actual shifting of tectonic plates kind of way, but in a meeting of old friends.  It's crazy and amazing to think that there are some people who walk into your life and, despite thousands of miles and multiple years of separation, your friendship remains unbreakable.

Those are the people that you want more of in your life.  Or at least I do.  Although I'd love for my amazing long-distance friends to permanently congregate in my city, I know that's not really how it works.  So instead I appreciate that our distance has allowed me to realize the strength of our bonds and how important it is to cherish them.

That's all.  Short and sweet tonight.

As a kid, I recall my parents pretty consistently tuning into the evening or prime time local news.  Do I remember the contents of the newscasts?  Not particularly.  What I do know is that, at the age of 28, I often have a difficult time working the local TV news into my agenda, because it tends to feel more depressing than it does informative.

From a psychology standpoint, I suppose I understand that their mission is to focus on the juicier and more sensational bits.  In general, that's what draws people in.  It just causes me to wonder if there happen to be good things occurring in our society.

For example, in the first five minutes of a local newscast tonight, here's what they told me about.

1. Bank robbers escaping from a downtown Chicago prison, with a focus on how the trail has gone cold in the search
2. The death of a NIU freshman at the hands of fraternity hazing
3. A Chicago fire that is now looking suspiciously like a murder

We went on to talk about less sensational topics for a minute, although still in a dramatic tone (CTA fare hikes, blizzard-like conditions), before moving back to Newtown and the NRA's response to all of the talk about gun control.  Revert to sports news: the Bears have another injury, Joaquin Noah is leaving his wild ways behind, so on and so forth.

Finally, thirty minutes in, for the final story of the newscast, we were graced with a blip about how a tweet from Ann Curry is causing random acts of kindness.  I'm not sure if we even glossed over the topic for 30 seconds before the newscast was over.

There's constant debates about how newsworthy, factual or accurate our news actually is - I'm not getting into that argument.  This isn't about agenda-setting and persuasion.  This is about how I'd love to see the lead story on my local news sway a little more positive and a little less homicide and arson.  At least once in a while.

I'm simultaneously saddened, frightened, and appalled today.  For the life of me, I can't fathom how people's minds bring them so far to the brink that they take the lives of innocent people.  Innocent children.  I feel fortunate that, for me, Sandy Hook Elementary School is a news story and not a personal one.  Despite the fact that I can't imagine their pain, there are so many people that my heart aches for - and I'm sure that I'm not alone.  Both now and across the unforeseeable future.

When you look at the things that people do and how easy it is to get caught in their path, you almost feel as though you should be scared to leave home.  Movie theaters.  Hair salons.  Malls.  Schools.  Everyday places, places you wouldn't necessarily think to leave your guard up.  Train platforms.  Busy city streets.  Highways.  Places you use to get from point A to point B in everyday life.  Innocent people have been shot in all of these places in the past six months alone.

I don't want to go through life thinking that nowhere is safe, but it's difficult to keep suspicion from edging its way in.  There's no way to foretell and avoid senseless violence.  Standard vigilance and common sense will keep you out of harm's way in most cases, but there's truly no way to expect the unexpected.  So I'll keep living my life, perhaps wary but not fearful.  If I fear every decision, I'm not really living anymore.

It's crushing for those who lost family and friends today to be in the midst of the holiday season, a time that's meant to revolve around the people you love.  I'm sure their absence will leave an aching hole.  Ultimately it's a good reminder to the rest of us.  We don't know what next week, tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now will bring.  So appreciate the people in your life while you're here to do it.  Make sure they know you love them.  And stop putting off the enjoyment of life for things less worthwhile.

These thoughts and feelings aren't particularly unique; you've probably seen them pasted far and wide across social media and the internet in general.  But I felt the need to put them out in the universe.

I didn't quite push my way into the throngs of people drinking out of boots and noshing on bratwurst, but I edged along the outskirts of the Christkindlmarket.  It was only an extra block beyond my bus stop and it seemed like a good, albeit short, diversion before finding myself in the usual evening situation.  Couch and pajamas.

Despite the fact that I work with three (occasionally four) men, they are all married men...each with a child under two years old.  Therefore, things flow pretty seamlessly between frat house humor and stroller chat.  I suppose there was only a trace amount of surprise when it was suggested that we have a cookie exchange on Monday.

So I have a weekend mission.  It involves at least a trip to the grocery story and an hour or so in the kitchen.  Let's hope I can match the domestic skills of my married male compatriots and arrive on Monday with a worthy batch of snickerdoodles.

It's not that I'm Scrooge, I just don't have quite as much holiday cheer as most people.  Working in retail kind of turned me off holiday music.  Unless it's *NSYNC - Home for Christmas; that stuff is pure magic.  And I'm also a sucker for the ultimate Mariah holiday song.  I won't even deign to name it, you're already hearing it in your head.

One of the lines that I draw is a Christmas tree.  First of all, logistically, this studio apartment just isn't made for it.  Then there's the hassle of getting it in and out of the building, cleaning up after it, decorating and undecorating.  I'm tired just thinking about it.  So I'll just enjoy the scent of other people's trees when I visit.

Instead I've figured out a purpose for the fireplace, which otherwise serves as a rather vestigial part of my apartment.  (Thanks to the baseboard heat that never stops pumping - in fact, my window is open right now.)  I've taken to calling this my Christmas vignette.  A little $6 holiday celebration of red lights, ornaments, vases and a candle.  Fifteen minutes a year to unpack, set up, take down, and put away annually.

I don't make Christmas cookies, but I love to eat them.  I can't remember the last time I watched a traditional holiday movie, but I've seen most of Lifetime and ABC Family's repertoires.  They're horrible and I love every second of it.  I own zero ugly holiday sweaters or Santa hats.  Everyone celebrates the holidays in their own way, this just happens to be my way.

I also really wanted to play with my camera's settings in a situation containing twinkle lights.  As you can tell from the two similar, yet somehow distinctly different, photos that I've included today.

 I am happy to report that my streak remains alive.  While walking home from work tonight, I was sidelined by a directionally-challanged tourist who apparently thought I looked like I knew the answers.  And I did.  Of course, I was also harangued by a woman who was looking for my reaction to the assertion that she could show me the female image of God.

Life in the New York office is such an interesting change of pace.  The conversations are different, the amount of stock in the kitchen is different, the male to female ratio is clearly on the other end of the scale.

Of the many productive things accomplished today, we determined that there needed to be office parlance for a "hard stop" that has a small range.  So, for instance, having to finish a meeting between 4:00 and 4:15.  You really can't go past 4:15, but in an ideal world you'd escape at 4:00.  This shall now be known as a semi-malleable stop.  Pass it on.

This morning as I was grabbing some Cold Brew coffee out of the fridge (a little upgrade from my daily Starbucks Via), I was forewarned that there was a shortage of milk.  Due to the Cold Brew's high concentration, you'd better be immune to caffeine if you're going to drink it straight.  I opened the fridge to reveal four varieties of milk, including one non-dairy.  First world problems at their best.

My commute to the New York office is also a different experience.  Since it's only a mile from my lodging, I hoof it instead of taking the subway.  They say cardiovascular activity is good for you.  It also gives me an opportunity to witness, and occasionally join, a real-life game of frogger at every crosswalk.  No one looks at walk signals, they may as well remove them.

All of that considered, I'm still coming back for you, Chicago.  It's just nice to have an opportunity to shake things up every once in awhile.

I'm reading a book that I don't particularly enjoy.  It's all in the name of accomplishing that Randomhouse list of best books, which has taught me that everyone has a different definition of "best".  Looking on the bright side though, the book did bring me one phrase that piqued my analytical mind.

"...she smiled, thinking how many shapes one person might wear..."

On a day where I wanted to do nothing more than come home and make zero effort at anything, I started thinking about the shapes that I wear.  They're all me at the end of the day.  (I'm less than adept at things involving lying and faking.)  But what I'm learning as I get older is that "me" is not a single point on a grid.  It's more of an arc that lives in a certain quadrant of that grid.

We all learn how to stretch or censor our personalities depending on the people and occasions.  It's not natural for me to network in large groups of people I don't know, but I've learned how to fit who I am into that situation and do it my way.  Sometimes I'm exhausted and have a penchant to enmesh myself in silence, but I wouldn't imagine leaving work at 2:00pm and refuse to talk to people.

And if you have ever managed to catch me in a state of sheer joy, you've witnessed one of the extremes in that arc known as "me".  Giddy isn't a shape that I often wear, but I smile knowing that I possess it in my repertoire.

Sometimes there isn't much on my mind, believe it or not.  Today is one of those days.  I made it as far as the entry way after work, put on my pajamas, and settled into the couch.  Despite the voices in my head telling me to work out or work on something, I lounged, chilled, vegetated, whatever verb you'd like to use.

My greatest use of contemplative energy was how to use the five days of paid time off that I have this year, when I'm not going anywhere.  We have to supply our requests so that the managers can ensure coverage during the holidays.  So maybe I'll take off December 26 and a few random Fridays.  I'm horrible at using time off if I don't have plans to leave the country; next year's days are already numbered and accounted for.

So I guess I'll end on this note.  Today I'm thankful for the abundance in my life that I often take for granted.  Such as the fact that having more vacation days than I do plans is a problem.  Or that my company is funding lunches for the entire company from Monday through Thursday during the fourth quarter, so that we can remain focused.

The days are getting shorter and I'm spending most of the daylight hours in an office.  Therefore, photos have a tendency to fall into sunrise, dusk, or dark these days.  Today brings you an ominous reminder of how things look in the impending month of November, generally my least favorite of the year.  It's the month where the Midwest proves to me that sunny and 70 really is a pipe dream.

To offset the dreariness, I always have to keep my eye on a prize.  Prize = travel.  I think I've figured out how to use some well-played Monday holidays and squeeze three trips into one year.  So I guess I have my eye on three prizes.  Good thing I'm an excellent multi-tasker.

In the doldrums of winter, early 2013, it'll be time for some much needed maxin' and relaxin' during a long, sunny Puerto Rican weekend....and maybe just a dash of off the beaten path adventure thrown in.  September has long been earmarked for Croatia, a solid nine or ten day traipsing about the country.  And since I have my heart set on Ecuador, I finagled a spot for it during a week including Memorial Day.  There's nothing tentative about these plans, I'm committed.

If I can manage to fit in all of those plans and still save money, I'm thinking that it's time to start a fund for eventual property ownership in Central or South America.  For some reason, I feel more motivated to make an investment of the getaway caliber than buy a home in the U.S.  Maybe I watched too many episodes of House Hunters International.

What I'm learning at my new job: clients renew monthly and quarterly.  This week was the end of a month and a quarter.  That makes my life insanely busy.  So, I have to bring a little work home with me this weekend.  Once I get over the hump in the learning curve, I'm thinking that will be less likely.

This was also supposed to be my one low-key, do nothing weekend after three weeks of traveling and before three more of the same.  Well, that changed when I made an impromptu road trip to Michigan after work.  The opportunity cost of trading in my chill at home weekend is completely worth it though.  You'll get the picture tomorrow, literally and figuratively.

The drive into Michigan wasn't quite as bad as I expected after last weekend's traffic jams and rain storms.  To further entertain myself, I whipped out the archaic CD case from my trunk and played a little soundtrack roulette.  It's a simple game whereby I flip blindly to a page, pull out a CD without looking, and insert it into the CD player.

I ended up with Celine Dion's Greatest Hits (I beg to differ with the titling; I didn't know at least half of the songs).  It's probably a good thing no one else was present for that singalong session.  Then I segued to a burned CD of country hits circa 2002.  That one didn't end up back in the archives, it'll stay in my rotation.

Something about coming to, being in, and leaving Michigan just puts me in country music mode.  It's like I go full rural once I get here.

At times throughout the past nine months, I mentally step outside of myself and look at my life.  I find that I'm amazed at the some of the things I've done, the places I've ended up, and the ways that I've opened my mind.  For so long I lived pretty tidily inside the lines.  I wish I would've realized that life is so much more interesting if you increase the area between those lines.