see as i saw

As a kid, I recall my parents pretty consistently tuning into the evening or prime time local news.  Do I remember the contents of the newscasts?  Not particularly.  What I do know is that, at the age of 28, I often have a difficult time working the local TV news into my agenda, because it tends to feel more depressing than it does informative.

From a psychology standpoint, I suppose I understand that their mission is to focus on the juicier and more sensational bits.  In general, that's what draws people in.  It just causes me to wonder if there happen to be good things occurring in our society.

For example, in the first five minutes of a local newscast tonight, here's what they told me about.

1. Bank robbers escaping from a downtown Chicago prison, with a focus on how the trail has gone cold in the search
2. The death of a NIU freshman at the hands of fraternity hazing
3. A Chicago fire that is now looking suspiciously like a murder

We went on to talk about less sensational topics for a minute, although still in a dramatic tone (CTA fare hikes, blizzard-like conditions), before moving back to Newtown and the NRA's response to all of the talk about gun control.  Revert to sports news: the Bears have another injury, Joaquin Noah is leaving his wild ways behind, so on and so forth.

Finally, thirty minutes in, for the final story of the newscast, we were graced with a blip about how a tweet from Ann Curry is causing random acts of kindness.  I'm not sure if we even glossed over the topic for 30 seconds before the newscast was over.

There's constant debates about how newsworthy, factual or accurate our news actually is - I'm not getting into that argument.  This isn't about agenda-setting and persuasion.  This is about how I'd love to see the lead story on my local news sway a little more positive and a little less homicide and arson.  At least once in a while.

I'm not sure who the target demographic is for Scrabble Cheez-Its, but they got me.  I don't generally buy these addictive crackers anymore, due to that very issue - I can't stop eating them.  Once upon a time though, in high school, it wasn't uncommon for a certain best friend and I to keep boxes of them in our cars.

Besides playing with my food, I managed to fit in beyond a full day of work, finish my handmade Christmas cards, and begin the process of holiday packing.  Since the Midwest is sitting in weather purgatory, and my apparel needs during the week will run the gamut from yoga pants to dresses, it feels like I'll be bringing my entire apartment home.  That's after an effort to pack minimalistically.  I loathe multiple elevator trips to the car; I consider it an indication that I'm bringing too much.

In the midst of all of this, I have still neglected to purchase Christmas gifts for my siblings.  I would be more concerned about this, except I didn't deliver my brother's gift last year until February.  Maybe I could just buy them Scrabble Cheez-Its and challenge them to a word game.  It's competitive and edible.

Betty Crocker, that is.  I'm not a frequent chef.  My toolset is limited, my skills are elementary.  But sometimes I even impress myself.  Please excuse me while I pat myself on the back for a snickerdoodle job well done.

When I was younger and my mom would try to urge me to help her in the kitchen, it just felt like a chore.  She viewed it as a learning experience, I considered it coercion.  Needless to say, I didn't learn much.  When I went to college, I was fully capable of fending for myself, but it took awhile to outgrow meals bought in bags from the freezer section.  Oh, and that strange instant mashed potatoes stage that I went through.

Over time I started to try my hand at cooking and baking.  Cakes, brownies, chili, a lot of Tex-Mex foods.  I realized that in the right mind frame, not only was I capable of kitchen creations, but I could actually enjoy the process.  It's akin to a science experiment, only you can eat it in the end.  Now I've graduated on to playing with various spices and adding my own ingredients on the fly.  Although I won't pretend to be a seasoned or innovative chef, I'm starting to feel a little comfortable in the kitchen.

Starting today, though, I'm working with a bachelor's fridge.  You know, the empty kind.  Besides snickerdoodles, you won't find much else besides eggs, bread and milk.  I'm heading home for a week of holiday time on Wednesday night, so there will be no more culinary adventures in my kitchen for awhile.  Maybe that's something to build into my 2013 life plan, once I free up some hours each week from photos and blogging.

I'm not sure that I'd call my weekend eventful thus far, but I've managed to keep myself occupied despite the cold rain.  I've been having an internal debate as to whether I have to keep resetting my wireless connection because my modem or my router is bugging out.  Power cycling your modem a half dozen times each day tends to take up a good amount of time.

I'd probably rather not admit the number of Lifetime Original holiday movies that I've watched.  Last night was a revival of several actors my age that had their main glory in the early 2000s.  Tonight I was surprised to find my childhood babysitter's little brother in the lead role.  You can't turn off a movie starring someone from your hometown.

Then there's that whole concept of Christmas shopping.  My list isn't extensive, and it's half done, but it seems that I'm stumped by the prospect of buying for my brothers.  Mom and Dad are already well-aware of the experiential gifts that I'll be treating them to.

I think gift buying would be easier if you just did it on any given day that you saw something fitting or inspired.  Forcing it to occur all in one fell swoop, on a particular day, is stressful.  Especially when I'm loathe to actually visit a bricks and mortar store and engage in the insanity.  If I hadn't procrastinated, I suppose online shopping would've been a spectacular alternative.

I'm simultaneously saddened, frightened, and appalled today.  For the life of me, I can't fathom how people's minds bring them so far to the brink that they take the lives of innocent people.  Innocent children.  I feel fortunate that, for me, Sandy Hook Elementary School is a news story and not a personal one.  Despite the fact that I can't imagine their pain, there are so many people that my heart aches for - and I'm sure that I'm not alone.  Both now and across the unforeseeable future.

When you look at the things that people do and how easy it is to get caught in their path, you almost feel as though you should be scared to leave home.  Movie theaters.  Hair salons.  Malls.  Schools.  Everyday places, places you wouldn't necessarily think to leave your guard up.  Train platforms.  Busy city streets.  Highways.  Places you use to get from point A to point B in everyday life.  Innocent people have been shot in all of these places in the past six months alone.

I don't want to go through life thinking that nowhere is safe, but it's difficult to keep suspicion from edging its way in.  There's no way to foretell and avoid senseless violence.  Standard vigilance and common sense will keep you out of harm's way in most cases, but there's truly no way to expect the unexpected.  So I'll keep living my life, perhaps wary but not fearful.  If I fear every decision, I'm not really living anymore.

It's crushing for those who lost family and friends today to be in the midst of the holiday season, a time that's meant to revolve around the people you love.  I'm sure their absence will leave an aching hole.  Ultimately it's a good reminder to the rest of us.  We don't know what next week, tomorrow, or even ten minutes from now will bring.  So appreciate the people in your life while you're here to do it.  Make sure they know you love them.  And stop putting off the enjoyment of life for things less worthwhile.

These thoughts and feelings aren't particularly unique; you've probably seen them pasted far and wide across social media and the internet in general.  But I felt the need to put them out in the universe.

I didn't quite push my way into the throngs of people drinking out of boots and noshing on bratwurst, but I edged along the outskirts of the Christkindlmarket.  It was only an extra block beyond my bus stop and it seemed like a good, albeit short, diversion before finding myself in the usual evening situation.  Couch and pajamas.

Despite the fact that I work with three (occasionally four) men, they are all married men...each with a child under two years old.  Therefore, things flow pretty seamlessly between frat house humor and stroller chat.  I suppose there was only a trace amount of surprise when it was suggested that we have a cookie exchange on Monday.

So I have a weekend mission.  It involves at least a trip to the grocery story and an hour or so in the kitchen.  Let's hope I can match the domestic skills of my married male compatriots and arrive on Monday with a worthy batch of snickerdoodles.

Let me be honest.  I completely forgot to post on Monday night.  And my exhaustion far surpassed the desire to keep my promise to myself last night.  Quite frankly, I'm not okay with either of those things.  Without going into the minutiae, life priorities and mindset have been in a bit of upheaval lately, coming to a head at the beginning of this week.

Today I found myself thinking about something that I said off the cuff, when confronted by a situation where I was asked to speak to essentially our entire U.S. office without prior notice.  As a new-ish employee, I was asked to introduce myself and also mention what inspires me.  I don't tend to blurt what's top of mind, but there wasn't time to think.

Instead of saying something that would seem a likely response (perhaps traveling), I said that I'm inspired by the broad array of people that I run across daily, because interacting with someone in any way can teach you something if you keep your eyes and mind open.  I'm not sure where it came from, I wondered for a few seconds how open I really keep my eyes and mind, and then I became absorbed in the tasks at hand.

This week has made me hyperaware of my own words.  There was a perspective change that needed to happen, but I wasn't exactly changing my own mind.  So I tried to spend more time focusing on the people around, what they were saying, and what they really meant.  And things started to turn a few degrees.

I suppose the general point of my vague musing is that despite what seems like randomness or meandering, the universe always seems to lead you through and to the places that you need.  It may be discouraging while you're waiting to get 'there' and trying to figure out why you're 'here'.  Sometimes you can look back later and understand the journey, but often you can't.  Regardless of all of that, I have to marvel at the way the chips fall sometimes.